Category: Humor & Essays
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Big Fish, Small Pond, Wrong Door
At 18, a talented violinist’s confidence crumbles during an audition for the prestigious Marine Band. Overwhelmed by competition, she performs poorly and realizes the difference between local success and national standards. Despite the embarrassment, this experience leads her to a fulfilling career in management, illustrating that failure can foster personal growth and understanding.
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Cemeteries, Cops, and Carts…Oh My!
What began as a harmless Easter golf cart ride to photograph an old cemetery turned into a roadside encounter with a sheriff’s deputy, a visible beer, two breathalyzers, eight warning tickets, and the growing realization that my family should never be allowed to combine holidays, vehicles, and spontaneous sightseeing.
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The 100 Club
I inherited championship-level golf DNA and somehow still showed up to my latest round looking like a woman with no prior arrangement with athletic ability. Between flying clubs, triple bogeys, bald eagles, and instant friendship, I discovered that being terrible at something can be unexpectedly joyful, especially when you decide to keep going.
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You’re Never Too Old to Drop Into Fortnite
At 60, I did not expect to become a Fortnite player, steal enemy vehicles, throw healing supplies into active combat, and bond with my fiancé’s online squad like a sequined chaos goblin. But somewhere between panic, crowns, coffee, and a stolen TIE fighter, I discovered friendship, reinvention, and an unexpected clutch gene.
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The Printer Worked. then Things Got Weird.
Back when computers were beige, expensive, and usually one tantrum away from disaster, I worked at Circuit City with Michael, a brilliant nearly deaf salesman who could sell anything. One innocent printer question later, he accidentally invented the word “huffalumps,” and I nearly died laughing behind the counter.
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Florida is NOT for Beginners
Florida does not operate like the rest of the country, and it has no interest in apologizing for that. Between airborne iguanas, backyard alligators, sideways weather, and errands that become endurance events, survival here depends on patience, preparation, and accepting that normal is a flexible, deeply unreliable concept.
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NASCAR, for the Newly Initiated
What began as wings, beer, and a completely unscientific choice of the hottest driver turned into a full-blown NASCAR obsession, a solo road trip to Atlanta, a near brush with Georgia law enforcement, a rain-soaked speedway revelation, and one unforgettable night sleeping in a Walmart parking lot with a revolver.
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The Eye That Would Not Die
Seventeen years ago, a vicious eye infection nearly cost me my sight and my life. What followed involved an airlift to Seattle, a terrifying MedJet flight, a drug-dealing hospital roommate, an overdose, an escaped prisoner asking about dragons, and a bill proving that terror, apparently, is very expensive.
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The Problem with Shelter in Place
When Hurricane Irma turned toward Florida’s west coast, I found myself riding it out alone with one frightened dog, three vulnerable glass doors, and a bathroom masquerading as a storm shelter. What followed was fear, absurdity, unexpected grace, and one very unsettling amphibian chorus in the eye of chaos.
70 Staples - Not broken. Rebuilt. 