70 Staples – Not broken. Rebuilt.

Editor’s Note

This piece was originally published in September 2013, back when the NASCAR Sprint Cup still existed, Fantasy NASCAR felt novel, and I thought four days was plenty of time to plan a road trip. It was a fun and frenetic day—one of those memories that grows warmer and funnier the further away it gets.

I had only just discovered the fun of NASCAR when I jumped at the chance to attend what I optimistically referred to as a “local” NASCAR Sprint Cup event.

Up until June of 2013, I had never seen a race. Never cared about one. Not even accidentally. NASCAR existed somewhere beyond my peripheral vision, filed neatly under things other people enjoy.

That changed one random afternoon over wings and beer with a friend after work. The 2013 Sonoma Road Race was about to begin, and I was challenged to pick a driver. Presented with a visual list of NASCAR drivers, most of whom meant absolutely nothing to me, I chose Martin Truex Jr.

My friend was stunned.

At the time, Truex had not won a race since 2007. When asked why I chose him, I shrugged and said, “He’s the hottest.”

This did not impress my friend. He shook his head, clearly concerned about my decision-making process, but we settled in to watch anyway. I asked a lot of questions. I paid attention. I was, to my own surprise, fascinated.

Then Martin Truex Jr. won. With authority.

And just like that, I was hooked.

Fast forward a few months. I had joined Fantasy NASCAR, watched nearly every race from green flag to checkered, and found myself emotionally invested in a sport I had not known existed a season earlier. Seeing a live race suddenly felt inevitable.

The 2013 Advocare 500 at Atlanta Motor Speedway became the opportunity.

What follows is a list of helpful tidbits, offered chronologically and with the benefit of hindsight, for any other NASCAR newbie considering a live race.

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

1. Take more than four days to plan your trip.
   This seems obvious now.
    
2. The Start/Finish line section has the most action before, during, and after the race.
    
3. If you live in Lakeland, Florida, do not believe friends or coworkers who insist you can drive from Lakeland to Atlanta in four hours.
    
4. “I was qualifying, not speeding” is not an acceptable explanation to a Georgia Highway Patrol officer.
   Unless said officer is a NASCAR fan with a sense of humor and feels sorry for a single, middle-aged woman driving alone to her first NASCAR race. If the above conditions apply, you are golden.
5. Get to the race as soon as the gates open. There is a lot to see before engines ever fire.
    
6. Nothing prepares you for the sheer scale of it all. Thousands of RVs, campers, tents, tailgates, and people who have clearly been there since Tuesday. Close your mouth so you do not attract flies and brace yourself for the joyful chaos.
    
7. Everything NASCAR-related is for sale at the speedway, including rain ponchos. That kiosk is cash-only. Always carry cash. ATMs are unreliable when 100,000 people need them at once.
    
8. NASCAR fans are the funnest, rowdiest, friendliest fans you will ever meet.
    
9. NASCAR fans will share their beer. They will not share their ponchos.
    
10. Beg, borrow, or rent an in-race scanner with special headphones. These devices clearly require an advanced engineering degree to master. Tune in to your driver’s car.
     
11. Google Billy Carrington. Immediately.
     
12. Bless the friend who told you about StubHub, because you are sitting eleven rows from the Driver Introduction stage.
     
13. Realize that as Martin Truex Jr. casually strolls across the catwalk, down the steps, and onto the stage, you suddenly do not care that you do not have a poncho.
     
14. Take in the pre-race activities and appreciate that you are surrounded by 125,000 of the most fiercely patriotic fans you may ever encounter.
     
15. Do not wear your headphones for the first three laps. The hearing loss is temporary. The experience of 43 stock cars barreling toward you at nearly 200 mph, inches apart, is permanent. Expect an adrenaline rush that lasts roughly 72 hours. After three laps, feel free to use the scanner.
16. Apply your mental powers to cast debris onto the track for the benefit of your driver. As he works his way from 18th to 3rd, accept that your powers are impressive.
     
17. After the race, stand and take in the reality that 124,999 fans are leaving ahead of you and are almost certainly parked in front of you.
     
18. Online hotel reservations are not foolproof. Always plan a contingency. A Walmart parking lot is not a contingency.
     
19. Always plan to camp on site, preferably for three days or until the field clears. The only exception is if you attend with a friend, in which case:
     

• Said friend must never have attended a race before.
   
• Said friend must agree to drive from the parking stall to the main gate.
• If all rules apply, question your friend’s intelligence later and enjoy your 3.5-hour nap before driving.
   

20.  If your hotel booking fails and it is the only failure within fifty miles, drive like a bat out of hell in hopes of once again encountering the NASCAR-loving Georgia Highway Patrol officer. He may provide a warm holding cell and several hours of sleep before you call your attorney.

21.  The Walmart in Forsyth, Georgia, is a relatively safe place for a power nap. Sleep with one eye open and one hand on your .357.
 

22.  Wake up approximately three hours later and hit the road again.
 

23.  As you relive the night’s events, picture Martin Truex Jr. taking the stage once more, and suddenly you will not care that you spent the night in a Walmart parking lot.
 

I hope this helps with your future planning.

And if nothing else, I hope it reminds you that sometimes the things we stumble into, the things we never expected to love, end up being the ones we remember most fondly.